To: The CoWorker commonly referred to as “Wheezy”

From: The rest of the office


It is bad enough when you laugh — god knows — and I don’t know who you’re on the phone with but, please, SHUT UP! Because I’ll bet they have a PhD and, in spite of the wealth of stupid PhDs I know, I am going to go ahead and guarantee that they are smarter than you. And even if, by some miraculous little chance, you happen to be right about this,  it has been 25 minutes — I beg you — STOP YELLING!